Your Attitude: Positive vs. Negative
Posted on May 3, 2008
Filed Under Relationships
This may sound like a really stupid question: Why would one go with a negative attitude when they might have a positive one?
Consciously, few of us would ever choose the negative side. But what actually happens quite often, is that we act as if we indeed had a negative attitude.
To support this strong statement, here are a couple of questions for you to answer to yourself:
- Did you ever have a gut feel about some person (say, your boss or co-worker) that they questioned your competence and the validity of your decisions, and what you heard from them was mostly criticism?
- When you hear a critical statement addressed to you, do you have a feeling of being under attack?
- Have you ever avoided an opportunity because of your lack of trust to the honesty of the other side?
Nothing bad or wrong in being cautious! Quite the reverse, it’s a normal and useful mechanism providing for our survival in a wild social space.
But see what happens. When we fully rely on our unconscious protection and follow our intuition in relationships with people, we may actually turn our luck down.
Suppose you know that a person you need to talk to is internally unfreindly towards you. You may have good reasons to think so. But however you need to get things done together with them or you need their participation or an action from them — in order for you to proceed with achieving your goal. What happens if you talk to them? Yes, you probably won’t succeed in getting that person’s support and additionally you may feel upset and angry.
But what if you play a “Let’s have a positive attitude” game (also known as “I’m generous and believe that other people have good intentions“)? This may make a big difference. You may feel less stressed, achieve what you needed, and also gain a positive view towards that person and maybe even start developing good relationships with them.
What you need to do, is to make a conscious effort in your mind and imagine that the person DOES have a positive or neutral attitute towards you.
Imagine this before you approach them. It’s actually easy: imagine that they have their own agenda (neutral to you) (maybe even benefitial to yourself) and that they are acting to make it happen. Make yourself consciously believe in this, find or think out arguments to support this: that the person is working towards their own goals which may be also beneficial to you.
Now when you talk to them, you will be charged with positive emotions and will radiate readiness to find a solution and get things done.
This will touch that person’s unconscious levels and will reveal their interest and will help building trust.
We often pay attention to plenty of unimportant things that aren’t worth it. While it makes sense to instead pay more attention to our interactions with people.
Be conscisouly positive and practice positive thinking.
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3 Responses to “Your Attitude: Positive vs. Negative”
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I think this is very true. If someone acts in a negative way you have be aware of the fact that this is not caused by you but caused by himself.
While giving the other person a smile you will help him, and he might even start to feel less negative or angry!
Preparing yourself for this beforhand might certainly be a good idea.
Hi Hugo!
Exactly — even when someone behaves in an irrational way and you cannot guess a reasonable explanation for this, your best guess should be that they are bothered with their own problems rather then being negative personally towards you.
Yes, a simple smile really can work wonders! (We all know this and raised on this but when it comes to a stressful situation, we sometimes see hostility where it doesn’t exist.)
Cheers,
Anna
Always, the best attitude is not negative or positive, (so called) but neutral. This is a state of detachment that puts no energy into a focus, thereby
allowing an observation to take place prior to deciding on an operational activity. Does this register with you? Too many of us rush into an attitude without thinking.Nothing is negative or positive until an observor makes it so.